Humanity
by Zerovk
Summary: Humanity : The thin line that separates two extremes . Mentality to brutality , insanity . kanamexzero kxz kaze
1. Chapter 1

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 **A/N:**

Trigger warning : dark themed fic . Self harm and mental abuse .

The fic is Prewritten , which means I will finish uploading all chapters soon .

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Summary : Humanity : The thin line that separates two extremes . Mentality to brutality , insanity .

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" You shattered my humanity.. Well , What was left of it .. "

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Trigger warning ! Mark my words .

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When he woke up , it was to a spacious darkness of an eerie basement . It smelt of dust , copper … metallic ? was that blood ?

His whole body went rigid at the thought .

However , he tried to ignore it in favor of surveying the rest of the room .

A sole fluorescent light bulb flickered , twitching on and off in an irritating motion quite far from where he was seated .. And as if that wasn't bad enough , he found the whole thing quite a semblance of demonic lightning , cries of thunder shaking the sky and thus pure terror . He felt like he was left in the deepest pits of hell .

There were many blind spots . However , he did register other important observations . He was tied up to a chair , wrists aching , stinging and burning at the restraint . migraine made itself known , dangerously .  
And that wasn't even everything ..  
Memories flooded his whole being , rushing back to his brain like a train , merciless and unstoppable .

The person he last conversed with was none other than his lover ..

How did he end up there ? Like that .. ?

As if to answer his question , an all too familiar voice snapped him out of his daze before he could delve further in his mental dilemma .

" Awaken , love ? " voice laced with mock affection , a light haired young man slowly approached the other one .

It didn't sound sincere , that much he could tell .  
It sounded too different , foreign and dare he say , creepy.  
Too much it sent shivers down his spine.. And he knew why .. He just hoped his lover didn't really believe the rumors , not entirely at least .

Marching leisurely towards the elder , the silver haired lad held a shimmering sharp object in his scarred hand .

" So .. Tell me .. What kind of sick , twisted pleasure did you get from playing me , ha ? " the boy whispered in a demanding tone , half emotionless and half giving away all of his conflicted emotions .

The tied one had a hard time registering it all that he couldn't come up with an answer . The way his .. lover looked at him , those eyes , they looked empty , glassy and crystalline yet he knew how much anguish they hid in the deepest depth . He knew they were blood-shot because of too much tears . Those pair of eyes he had come to love now looked dull and lifeless , those beautiful strands of silk now covered them in a maddening way . Those lips he had come to kiss every day now spat the crudest collection of words . The mind and soul he had come to adore now shattered , tainted with doubts and distrust .

Though the said young man had asked , he didn't wait for the other to arrange a stack of lies before him .

" Whatever reason you may have had to do such disgraceful thing to me , I can't justify it . " he whispered as he left a hair-thin distance between their faces , his eyes taking in everything in his supposed lover , his everything . The other male just panted heavily , staring at those lilac eyes , as if trying , no , pleading them to see the truth . The boy he'd come to caress lovingly now sported scars everywhere , literally . And there was nothing he could do about it . The damage was done .

" If it's envy , I wouldn't believe it . " The silverette spoke up in a low intimidating tone , eyes darting here and there before he straightened up , pulling away .

" You have got the looks , Kaname . " His soothing voice contradicting the whole situation , the nearly driven-mad young man searched every possible reason for such actions .. For why the hell he deserved such treatment , such fate , such life .

Was he really doomed to forever be denied the feeling of love ? Genuine love , genuine mutual love ..

Was it really his fault for trusting someone again ?

Was that the message ?

" The wealth , the family , Recognition .. And pretty much everything I lack . If anything , I should be the one envying you . So it's not that . Yet .. If it's something else then what ? "

He kept pacing around , racking his brain for answers , the knife still held close to his palm .

Kaname shook his head bitterly , fearing the moment he would talk would be the same his lover would get brutal and reckless . But Zero was oblivious to the gesture .

" A bet perhaps ? Or .. Did I ever know you before we met that day ? Did I ever hurt or insult you that you only thought of getting back at me like that ? No way , right ? "

It was possible though . Or not ?

What if he did meet Kaname before , in his childhood for instance and couldn't recall him the second time they met . Even if that was the case , the chances of him hurting anyone were non-existent . He couldn't imagine himself hurting a younger kaname or anyone for that matter , enough to deserve such punishment .

" I could swear we didn't know each other until that day , So why ? Tell me ! How could you ? " He yelled all of a sudden , eyebrows knitting and brain dysfunctioning in disbelief of it all .

The brunette gasped a breath , trying to say something but the other shouted again . The pain seemed to have buried itself too deep for Kaname to be able to convince Zero of otherwise . Doubts have already sneaked their way to his heart , to the core and from there to every nook and cranny , gnawing ravenously at his entirety .

" I trusted you ! "

kaname couldn't stand the look of betrayal and disappointment Zero was giving him and so he shut his eyes before snapping them open again , never meeting the younger's gaze .

" I .. I loved you .. " Grounding to a halt , Zero took the chance to catch his breath before whispering darkly " I truly did ! "

Every time kaname tried to interrupt , to deny it all , the other gave him no chance .

He raised the knife , silently threatening to put it to use and kaname wasn't scared for his own life . On the contrary , he feared Zero harming himself in front of his very own eyes , with the false belief that he , kaname , had betrayed him , made him to be the entire school's laughing stock .

Rejection didn't hurt as much as betrayal did .

Zero couldn't care less about people knowing he was homo-sexual . However , to have the only person he hadn't expected to spread rumors about him do just so devastated him beyond limits .

" I don't even know if I should beat the fucking daylights out of you for hurting , breaking and killing me or If I should do it to myself for trusting you ! " He said in a low tone , only raising his voice at certain words , for added effect . he then let out a twisted giggle , the said action quickly becoming a series of high pitched fit of laughter , psychotic ones .

" You healed my scars , Kaname , only to have them ripped apart all over again .. "

The words and their weight wrenched the elder's heart to no limits .

" I can pretend all of it never happened so we can go back to being lovers , if that's what you want , even if it's a lie . I can be your cheap fuck .. I can fake a smile , I can force a laugh . I can turn it on , be a good machine .. I can hold the weight of the world if that's what you ask . "

He broke down into tears with each word , his grip on the knife tightening , drawing blood along the way and Kaname's eyes mirrored the action , spilling hot tears in response . It wasn't supposed to end up like this !

Short silence ensued as Zero willed himself to go on , trying his utmost for his voice not to crack . He was panting heavily as it was .

" I can do it . I can do it .. I've survived much more toxic words before . But .. I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down .. " the first words came out a bitter whisper . but he nearly cried the rest out .

For a fleeting moment , kaname wondered which was worse , the way his lover emphasized each letter , the way his tone screamed of sheer pain , or the immense sorrow he held in his eyes , until he realized he was asking the wrong question . What mattered was the fact that both combined pulled at his heart strings in a way that left him feeling paralyzed , pathetic and helpless .

" I didn't fall though .. You shoved me from cloud nine to the deepest depths of earth , to hell actually . "

Kaname's breath got caught in his throat , he shook his head , refusing to give in , whilst trying to free his hands . Alas , Zero noticed it and approached him in a heartbeat . He slowly let his weight fall on the other's lap , the sudden proximity shocking the elder beyond belief .

" And in case you are wondering , it wasn't a smooth fall . I crashed down to smithereens ! " the silverette kept resumed his speech as though he was narrating a bedtime story to some kid out there .

Kaname felt his chest heaving up and down as Zero lifted his nail , dragging it painfully slow against the other's cheek . it stung badly .

He watched in awe as his lover winced at the acidic substance irritating the skin . Kaname squeezed his eyes shut before realization hit him and so he forced them open again ..

If it stung his face that much , it must have done the same to Zero's hand …

" Kaname ! I only dipped my finger in it for a short time yet it still stung you this badly . Don't you wonder how much it would hurt if I actually poured all of it over mysel- "

Kaname finally snapped , interrupting him " Stop ! Zero , can't you see ? He lied to you ! he never liked you , he never wanted you happy ! You should know that much ! "

To hell with it , if Zero intended to take things so far then Kaname would not sit back and watch .

" HE HAD A PROOF ! " the younger nearly growled back before standing up and scoffing . He wouldn't be played again ! No .. No .

Though kaname had a point , Zero refused to believe it .

" You see , I just shared a fraction of my pain with you . Now you have a standard to measure against .. " Dismissing the sincerity in his lover's words and eyes altogether , Zero revealed in a dull emotionless tone .

The dark haired male watched , but not silently , as the younger shoved the knife in his own pocket , grabbed a glass full of the apparently acidic liquid and poured it all over his wrist , involuntarily wincing as it took effect ..

" Zero ! STOP ! "

Watching it all and knowing he won't be able to change any of it stung even more than the substance gnawing at his skin . Kaname thrashed about , trying to break free , cursing the confinements around his wrists all the while .

The patch of skin burned and swelled and Kaname started actually pleading his lover to stop before it got worse ..

The silverette did not stop though . Instead , he went forward again , reaching for Kaname's face , forcing him to look . He tugged harshly at the elder's hair , finding the way such action ripped a prolonged groan out of the Kaname's throat oddly satisfying .

" Look ! Look , Kaname ! You did this to me ! "

As if that wasn't enough , he took the knife out of his pocket and started dragging it all over his arm , careful not to target a vein , so he would enjoy it for as long as he possibly could . He wanted Kaname to feel guilty , to watch and know he was one responsible .Maybe then it would satisfy him . Maybe then it would heal some of his pain . He wanted the elder's conscience to eat him alive for the rest of the time .

The younger then gracefully sat down on Kaname's lap again , lifting his chin up , that time a lot more gentle .

the brunette only shook his head , eyes brimming with tears for he could not save his love .

" Kaname ? Did you really feel disgusted whenever we kissed ? Did you really feel your skin crawl ? " Zero whispered bitterly and for once , he seemed to be in his right mind , like maybe he could be convinced if Kaname showed him enough love and he was intending to do just that .

" Don't go there .. " he whispered , nearly out of breath from the way his lover touched him sensually , like how they used to , the words making the younger one halt and furrow his eyebrows , waiting for more .

" Don't even come close to suggesting I don't care about you .. " He spoke up like it physically pained him . He spoke up desperately and yet his voice was laced with a generous amount of determination .

His hands were aching to hold the smaller one in his embrace , to hide him from the whole world , to protect him till the last breath ..

Ironically , Zero had it deeply etched in his mind that Kaname was one to shatter their love .

They gazed at each other intensely for a couple of minutes , neither willing enough to initiate the next move .

Whatever would ensue may end up costing them their lives .

Word count : 2151

19 Sept , 2017

To be continued .

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	2. to save you

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 **Brief warning :**

If any of you originally thought the previous chapter was too much ( sick , twisted , dark , creepy .. etc ) I highly suggest you proceed no further , for this chapter is a whole lot more dark , twisted , gory and chills-giving .

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Kaname inched closer to Zero , bringing their foreheads together as he inhaled sharply and closed his eyes , preparing his speech . He would tell the younger the truth , his side of the story . Unfortunately , he had no solid evidence to prove his point . He only had his words and actions that he highly doubted would be enough to convince Zero , if the younger gave him a chance to speak , that is .

The silverette himself was far lost in a world of his own making . Ruefully , he gazed into the distance , his mind replaying memories of his childhood .

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 _His mother , the one who passed him his own flesh and bone had bluntly and quite mercilessly turned her back on him , like he was not the son protectively encased by her womb for almost a year , like he was nothing more than a speck of dirt ._

His fist clenched at the thought .. He felt like it never was a memory of a couple of years ago but seconds before .

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" Zero , that day I didn't show up at school I was confined to bed because of a sudden fever . I was constantly slipping in and out of consciousness and then the following day , I woke up expecting a myriad of texts and calls from you but found none , instead , I found tons of such from Takuma . He told me that sai had messed with your head and made you think I deliberately refused to attend school that day so as to send a message , that I was playing with you and some other stack of lies . Everything he told you from A to Z is nothing but a huge lie . I don't know why he did so . Maybe it's just a misery loves company thing . " Kaname spoke with minimal pauses , as if eager to let it all out . Now that Zero gave him a chance to speak , he would be damned if he didn't put it to use .

The younger , though , was having a war in his head as his conflicted emotions battled furiously , refusing to yield to the other .

 _The sting felt so real , like it had just happened moments ago . She had betrayed him and for what ? that_ _ **thing**_ _.. That parasitic existence .. His splitting image ._

" _You'd rather believe him and not me ? His younger self scoffed in a mixture of disbelief and anguish ._

" _In case you forgot , I'm your son as well ! "_

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 _Soon enough , he was left to nurse the pain , to fill the void his mother had left in her wake ._

 _At least , he had his loving father by his side , someone that truly loved him , someone that chose him ._

 _Thanks to that and as time passed and life happened , Zero had successfully managed to move on and got over the fact he could no longer hear the word " mother " without recoiling in all but contempt ._

 _She threw him away , left him scarred along with his heart and ruined a great deal of his once joyous personality when she so abruptly erased the word " trust " from his dictionary ._

 _Ironically , just as he was starting to heal , willing to break the huge walls of solitude and reasonable fear of socializing with people on a deeper level , fate had to hit him once again , taking his precious father away from him , forever ._

 _It had been the second blow life had hurled at him , so cunning and unpredictable it left him thunderstruck ._

 _Thus , suffering the loss and unable to tolerate the shock , Zero found his whole world caving in , threatening to collapse over his head ,promising instant death . And oddly enough , he found himself willing , ready to submit to his fate . He knew it after all . He wouldn't survive .. not this time ._

 _He was living on borrowed time after all . Why would he wish to stay in a world that did nothing but cause him pain over and over again ?_

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 _His mother left him because of his twin who should have been a loving existence in his life , like any other normal twin . However , his reflection had always hated him , grew jealous of him merely existing ._

 _Ever since they became aware of their surroundings , his brother had always managed to think of his existence as unfavorable , one that should not be allowed to see the light of another day . His brother had incorrectly thought that Zero got special treatment , was spoiled by their parents and pretty much everyone . His brother longed for that and was ready to go as far as snatching it away , never to return it back . He was not above lying , if it meant he could get whatever he wanted and that was their parents' love , whilst depriving Zero of it ._

 _Between them there was no connection , no bond , no love . Nothing but hate and shameless desire to replace one another plagued their brains ._

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Zero inwardly chastised himself .

He shouldn't have been so innocent .

He shouldn't have been so naive .

A person should not be too honest . Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first.

He should have fought fire with fire .

With a conniving little bastard , Zero should have resorted to the same low methods his brother had used to get their mother's attention .

Alas , He couldn't . He truly wished for a normal and healthy relationship with his twin and family .. Apparently , it was not meant to be .

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 _That's why after his father's death , Zero saw no point in living anymore .. until .. Until a stray but powerful ray of hope and light made its way through the cracks in his darkened cave , until Kaname appeared in his life ( the silverette thought , bitterly smiling along in self-pity ) , only to do the same as she did ._

 _Honestly , Why do people enjoy toying with him ?_

 _Was he that much of a powerful magnet ? Attracting onlookers ? Tempting them to give ruining him a try ?_

 _Was there some kind of a prize he had no knowledge of ?_

 _To give him what he longed for and thus his weakness .. Love , lots of it .. to get under his skin then coldly leave in the end ?_

 _They would leave him breaking , aching , wondering why the hell he deserved such cruelty ._

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" NO ! I will never believe you . NEVER ! "

Screaming at the top of his lungs , Zero widened his eyes like a lion as he bared his teeth and stood up abruptly , startling Kaname .

Everything was going smooth .. What happened ?

" I had originally planned for you to wake up and find me there .. " He said softly , pointing to the cold ground before proceeding " Lying in a pool of my own blood knowing that it was your fault . And there would be nothing you could do about it because I would have long bid farewell to this world full of backstabbers , the likes of you . " Face blank , Zero spoke up clearly despite having lowered his voice an octave than earlier and even though his face looked devoid of any emotion , his words didn't lose any of its venomous touch .

" I wanted you to suffer for the rest of your of your life , until it dawned on me .. You would never feel guilty . It didn't stop you back then and certainly never will . You are not even capable of feeling such sentiments . "

The contempt dripping from the younger's voice wasn't the reason making Kaname go pale , it was the seriousness overbearing the younger's words and the gravity of it ..

His lover wasn't saying that to test him or gauge a reaction from him . he had truly planned to do so .

And If that was not terrifying then Kaname didn't know what was .

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After the sudden outburst , Zero made it known he was keeping Kaname for fun now , since his previous plans proved pointless .

It had been few hours , or even days , since they spoke up , Kaname lost track of the time .

They drowned in waves of silence until Zero left for a while and then came back with a bowl of .. something .. From his angle , Kaname couldn't tell what it was .

" Kaname ! I brought you something you love .. "

The silver haired male cheerfully announced as he approached the elder . And for a moment , he glowed , his smile bright and expression peaceful , so natural and not at all near the distant , empty and unstable one he had been wearing so far .

In fact , the amount of normalcy coating the air around Zero made Kaname all giddy and nostalgic . It had both pleasantly surprised and effectively creeped him out .

Why would Zero suddenly behave as though nothing had gone wrong or out of the ordinary ?

Sniffing , the brunette recognized the pleasant aroma of fresh pineapples .

The younger smiled darkly as he flopped down on the lover's lap , lifted the fork up and rubbed the fruit against Kaname's lips , as though applying lipstick .

Having been momentarily stunned , the elder didn't respond but soon resisted the touch as he processed a stinging sensation where the fruit had lingered . However , Zero was adamant about it . He kept doing that until Kaname's lips started bleeding - pineapples contain proteins that degrade meat -.

Then , suddenly , it turned into a bloody kiss .

Kaname especially disliked it when Zero used such intimate ways to torture him , to replace their memories of intimacy with those of darkness .

The kiss was wet , tasting of pineapple and blood .. In fact , it felt of blood , smelt of blood and thrived on it .

Perhaps , the most domineering fact about their kiss was it being full of pain , literally and figuratively . Tender flesh , fragile to the touch , now torn apart thanks to the bruising kiss bestowed upon them .

However and upon further inspection , Kaname could feel the urgency , passion and - dare he say - longing lacing Zero's actions . It felt like .. It felt like the younger still wanted him ..

Armed with such knowledge , Kaname relaxed , responding with a passion no less intense than his lover's .

Trapping the slices of pineapple between his and Kaname's tongue , the silverette pushed himself closer to the elder , slowly angling his head for better access . It didn't take long before they started moaning in each other's mouths , their hearts swelling , conflicted between contracting and expanding ..

Should they like it ?

Slowly , Zero retreated and rested his head on the elder's shoulder , inhaling the distinct scent of Kaname .

Oh how he loved and missed this .. Being held in the elder's embrace .. Well , nearly .

" Do you feel it , Kaname ? " he whispered soothingly , hands softly massaging the elder's hair just below his ears , the gentleness employed in such action absolutely contradicting the whole situation .

It was as though they were merely cuddling after an intense and overwhelming love-making session and not stuck in a basement struggling for their sanity .

Kaname couldn't feel anything though .. He couldn't wrap his head around the fast paced events .. They.. They had kissed .. ?

" the pain .. Do you feel it ? " The younger mumbled in a way that made it seem like a good thing ..

He wanted the elder to share his pain because only then would he be able to know how much Zero had loved him .

Only our loved ones can affect us so deeply .

" It's part of being alive . " The younger shifted ever so slowly , the sensuality in it scaring Kaname out of his mind .

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He didn't exactly know how but , they had fallen back into their old routine of not talking after that kiss .

Honestly , Zero 's bipolar behavior was starting to get on Kaname's nerves .

However , he was willing to wait ..

He had immense confidence that Zero would soon grow tired of the whole drama and eventually , they would go back together , until the younger shattered whatever hope remained in Kaname 's heart.

" You know , Kaname .. In the ancient times , they used to have a lot of sick ways to execute criminals . "

Kaname could swear the hair on his nape stood up as soon as he heard the younger casually say that , like it was a daily occurrence to talk about methods of execution .

" Back then in Persia , they used to tie the criminal above a lake or any water surface and force him to drink milk and eat honey every day so that he ends up suffering severe diarrhea . His body gets smeared as well so that he attracts insects and flies . they leave his body for the insects to feast on and lay its eggs there until he finally dies out of hunger , rotting , diarrhea or anything else . " The silver haired teen recited his poem of torture , seemingly unaffected by the words that had just left his mouth .

On the other hand and For the first time , Kaname found himself understanding what it meant to die out of fear . for the first time , he wished he was born deaf so he wouldn't have to endure hearing such cruelty .

Why .. Why was he doing it ? Why was Zero saying that ? Was he possibly planning to try out some of those inhumanely ruthless , merciless and utterly repugnant means of torture on him ?

Surely not.. Right ?

He felt sick to the stomach at the prospect of it alone .

" In middle ages in china , they used rats . A cage of rats used to be put over the criminal's body and on top of the cage , blistering coal so that in sheer moment of panic and because of survival instincts , the rats gnaw their way out of the cage by tearing the victim's flesh apart . "

On and on , the poem had went .

Kaname was very close to throwing up as he was forced to listen , knowing that even if he pleaded the younger to stop , the said wouldn't .

" Catherine wheel or the breaking wheel , an instrument of torturous execution originally associated with Saint Catherine of Alexandria . The condemned were lashed to the wheel and their limbs were beaten with a club or iron cudgel , with the gaps in the wheel allowing the limbs to give way and break . Alternatively , the condemned were spreadeagled and broken on a saltire , a cross consisting of two wooden beams nailed in an " X " shape , after which the victim's mangled body might be displayed on the wheel . "

If there was anything out there any more cruel than that then Kaname shudders to think what it might be .

" Sawing .. This method was also used in the middle ages . sawing a living person in half , either sagittally (usually mid sagittally ) , or transversely. It is stated that that the sawing was lengthwise , both from the groin and upwards, and from the skull and downwards . If it's done starting from the groins with the condemned tied upside down , that ensures him living for as long as possible because of blood rushing to his brain . "

It didn't help that Zero was lying on the floor , gazing at the ceiling with an unreadable expression , as if he could easily visualize the whole thing without so much as batting an eyelash .

Kaname's face contorted in pain as he struggled , wishing he was not tied so he could at least cover his ears ..

And .. the hardest part in all of this , he couldn't bring himself to even plead the younger to stop .

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Kaname was faintly aware he should be hating him , for this was not his Zero , rather a distorted shadow of his remains . He had long fallen victim to the clutches of the unforgiving darkness . The realization left a bitter aftertaste . But it was the truth , no matter how ugly .

This was not his lover . This was nothing but a rabid beast that needed to be controlled at all costs .

Yet .

Yet .

Kaname couldn't bring himself to linger about those thoughts any longer . Even after enduring so much , he couldn't even plan or intend to bring any harm to the younger , his lover , his everything ..

Perhaps , it was him clinging , desperately , on a thin line of hope that maybe , just maybe , his beautiful Zero would come back one day , no matter how far fetched the idea in itself was .

Maybe he was just being delusional , preferring to see what he wanted to see or maybe he had become just as insane , masochistic and lost as Zero himself had . ( though he hated to label the younger as such , it was the ugly truth .)

Even in his dark thoughts and now reality as well , Kaname preferred to adorn his situation to his liking .

In the end , Zero had devoted himself to the brunette , to spend all the time he had with the elder even if he used that time to make every minute of Kaname's life more miserable and extremely unbearable , the fact remains he saw everything as Kaname and not Kaname .

And the elder couldn't help but look at the rather dark but surely romantic side of it ..

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Zero soon ceased all of his sadistic actions ..

He had wanted to scream , to break down , bawl his eyes out and ask for forgiveness , If not possible then to pay for what he had done . .. He'd wanted to . But he couldn't show any of it . He had to control what he had left of himself , what was left for him to claim as his own .. And that .. was very little , for every being in him had been stolen by the very same man currently sitting in front of him .

But no .. He wouldn't reveal it .

He wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he still loved him despite everything .

He'd dragged the game on for too long . And that's exactly why he decided to let Kaname go . However , as soon as he untied the elder who had on a confused expression , Zero started regretting his actions .

Kaname could be planning his doom now for all he knows .

What he had done to the elder was unforgivable . He shouldn't dare defend himself .. He deserved whatever pain Kaname planned to inflict upon him . However , he found himself shying away in fear of what he himself had been doing .. Pain shouldn't be foreign to him .. then why ?

Why did he fear Kaname ?

 _Ah .. right .._

Because no matter what , Zero knew his limits , he knew better than to let it get life-threatening when he decided to take revenge ..

 _Still why ?_

Because he - like the moronic , masochistic lovesick he was - , still loved Kaname deeply ..

The same , though , could not be said for the elder .

Who knows what plans Kaname had devised for him ..

The realization crushed him , to put it lightly .

Zero's grip tightened on the knife he had been holding as the elder approached him .

" Get away ! You know what I can do . " He had warned but Kaname paid such warning no heed . The elder drew even closer , making Zero panic and close his eyes as he shoved the knife forward .

Kaname 's eyes widened .

Instinctively , his defensive reflexes urged him to steer away from danger but the main drive has been another .

Surely he didn't want to get hurt but not only for himself , mostly for Zero's sake .

If something were to happen to him , who would save Zero ? Who would guide him back to the light ? To humanity ..

" AAARRGHH ! " Screaming in pain at the sudden injury , Kaname found himself involuntarily letting go of the silverette . With a particularly hard shove , the younger came crashing down against the wall , causing him to lose consciousness .

Kaname 's throat closed up as belated realization hit him like a brick wall . The knife must have been coated with the caustic substance ..

He just hoped he wouldn't need to amputate it in the near future .

Sparing the abandoned rope a quick look , Kaname decided to tie the other up , just in case .

 _I don't want you harming yourself , Zero ._

At first he was about to tie it around his wrist but then noticed the younger's state , his wrist was badly lacerated , most of it had reddened and became moist as if the slightest touch could peel it off completely .

Kaname winced at that .

Having finished tying the younger to the chair , Kaname limped his way to the ground and leant on the wall deciding to stay still until Zero regained consciousness . It took him some time and few attempts to finally find a comfortable position because of the knife embedded in his leg . He dropped his head in shame , struggling to even out his breath and will the pain away .

He had to be sober when the younger finally awakens after all . But his eyelids were heavy and he felt generally delirious as darkness started claiming him one of its children lulling him into deep slumber .

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What first greeted him when he came to was Zero's eyes staring at him steadily .

Okay ..

He didn't know why but the younger's eerie silence gave him the feeling of The calm before the storm and true enough , not a heartbeat later , zero started screaming frantically like his life depended on it .

Though dry , he kept abusing his throat till he felt a wet and uncomfortable sensation there . He had almost choked on it . Was he bleeding ?

Soon enough he could feel a terrible headache assaulting his senses and for that he was grateful . zero wanted Kaname to suffer after all . He wanted him to watch it to the last breath , till curtains fall and show was over , to feel guilt suffocating him to the brim . To watch Zero reducing himself to nothing of value mentally and physically .

Admittedly , he sort of found himself killing two birds with one stone . In a way , he would be punishing himself for trusting the elder and in another , he would be returning the favor to Kaname . The immeasurable pain , the hurt , betrayal and despair . The madness . All of it !

Kaname watched in sheer horror . He couldn't think and thus couldn't react . However , it didn't take him long before he snapped out of his stupor and hurried towards the younger planning to do whatever in his power to make him stop right that instant .

The unpredictable is a force to be reckoned with .. The unpredictable is dangerous , deadly even .

At that point , it was safe to assume the worst . zero could do anything . Better be safe than sorry .

The reaction was instantaneous . Kaname spared no time stuffing a piece of cloth in zero's mouth . otherwise , the younger would have started biting his own tongue .

It hurt to know he had to resort to that but what else was he supposed to do ? Let zero bite himself ?

He could see how the younger struggled to force down the need to gulp . It must have been terribly painful For zero and Kaname truly hated how helpless such thing proved him to be .

He needed to do something , anything to make his lover rouse from such damned state .

 _How do you even save someone who doesn't want to be saved ?_

How in seven hells did zero make it down here ?

How did he ?

He couldn't have carried Kaname seeing as it was nearly impossible . The stairs seemed to extend to no limit and it was a given that Zero had a rather terrible stamina , ( he didn't seem to get along with any physical activity ) .

Sighing in defeat , Kaname inched closer to the chair and used it to support his weight to be able to stand up .

The whole time , Zero 's eyes never left the elder's every move , staying alert . .. until .. until the breathless brunette put his hands on the younger's shoulders and stared deeply in his eyes .

Kaname's breathing hitched . Zero stiffened .

Somehow , even the hitching screamed of pain and the silverette could stand watching the elder like that no more .. His whole being had started reacting to the massive amount of sorrow copiously emanating from the elder , making it feel physically painful for him to hold eye-contact .

" I have no intention of harming you , on the contrary . "

Kaname whispered , nearly running out of his breath . He then Paused before adding " I wish for you to stop hurting yourself in every way .. "

Agony couldn't even begin to describe the intensity of what Kaname had been feeling . It all poured in his eyes and Zero didn't know which was better , trusting or not .

He didn't want to give Kaname the chance to talk because he didn't want him to make him stay .. He didn't want him to change his mind .

A tiny part in him wanted to believe the elder yet the other part refused to trust anyone ever again and thus stubbornly believed that Kaname was guilty .

" Even though I don't want to , I'm willing to get out of your sight , if that's what you really want . I wouldn't tell anyone about this either .. However , in exchange for that , you have got to promise me you would never harm yourself .. "

Rounding the chair , Kaname started shaking as he untied the younger . He didn't want to let go.. But he made a promise . And he was never one to break promises .

The knot came undone and so did their commitment to each other . A sudden heaviness registered in Kaname's heart and a throbbing pain assaulted his brain along with the one caused by his injury .

He tried controlling the pain until he could fight it no more .

Zero gulped with much difficulty as he felt himself getting freed and heard a thud from behind . Hastily , he removed the cloth from his mouth and stood up abruptly , eyes landing on Kaname's unconscious figure on the ground ..

" K .. Kaname ? " He called hoarsely , eyes darting here and there before finally noticing the injury . It was his fault ..

Moving Kaname's head to rest on his lap , he started petting the elder's hair .

" Kaname, wake up .. " He had nearly whimpered as he shook the elder to no avail .

" Kaname ? We have to fix this .. your injury needs treatment .. I don't know much about first aid but I will try my best , ha ? You just stay here and I will come back soon.. I promise . "

Now gently moving the unconscious elder , Zero rushed back to the house , movements clumsy and hesitant , mind fractionally slow as he tried processing his situation . Where ? What was he even looking for ? Ah .. First aid .

Inhaling and exhaling sharply , he made his way to the bathroom , eyes immediately landing on the cabinet where he usually keeps the first aid box .

In the midst of his search , the doorbell rang , making him gasp . His heart started beating erratically and his whole being froze . Who ? Who would visit him ? No one bothered about him except for Kaname ..

Sneaking like a thief and gulping nervously , Zero finally reached the door , eyes narrowing suspiciously as he recognized the two guys .

Sai ? and Takuma ? the former being the last person he wanted to see or hear about and the latter being Kaname's best friend .

Fear welled up inside him , especially when Sai , the dark haired , spoke up .

" Zero , we know you are inside . open up ! "

No no no .. What should he do ? Pretend he wasn't home ? That wouldn't solve anything since they would surely visit him later .

He needed to get rid of them and fast .. But for that , he needed to regain his composure .

A minute or two passed by before the door finally swayed open and the two came in , sparing the house a quick scan . Sai cleared his throat , ready to talk . Whereas Takuma kept analyzing Zero's condition . _He is shaking_. the blonde noticed , having a bad feeling already .

" So .. shall we get straight to the point ? Kaname has been missing and Takuma is guessing you might have something to do with it . I though am sure of it . Where is Kaname , Zero ? Did you already kill him ? " The guy asked , feigning concern , obviously unapologetic .

Zero narrowed his eyes , waiting for the pathetic excuse of a man to finish what he came to say so he could finally leave . He didn't have time to waste on the likes of him . Kaname needed treatment and fast .

 _They needn't know that though_. which is why he tried his best to look innocent . However , he was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps approaching him . Sai was already making his way deeper in the house , too deep for Zero's comfort .

At first , he stiffened but then grabbed the guy's wrist and spun him around .

" What the fuck do you think you are doing invading my privacy like that ? Have you no shame ? "

He yelled , feeling cornered and unsettled for many reasons , only to have the guy smirk darkly as if he just got what he wanted .

" You stink of fear . " the bastard said calmly . Zero resisted the urge to gasp .

" That answers my question . I wonder if you are keeping him somewhere .. or maybe you already killed him ." the piece of shit deliberately provoked .

 **SLAP !**

Sai's face flew to the left and aside from Zero's harsh breathing , silence coated the air until the guy finally scoffed , preparing his deadly blow that came in the form of words .

" I hate to break it to you but you have wronged Kaname . "

The words hit him like a thunderclap .

Still as death , Zero stood , The words repeating themselves like a mantra in his head .

 _What ?_

 _What was that supposed to mean ?_

 _Did the guy make it all up ? Was Kaname truly innocent ?_

" That was a very bad move on your part , Sai . " Takuma noted as he stood closer to Zero , clearly stating on whose side he belonged . He had been watching for so long and finally deemed the moment perfect to get involved .

" You are now stuck in the presence of two guys that loathe you with passion . "

The addressed only smirked like a madman before shaking his head .

" Nope . In fact , it was a very bad move on _your_ part , the both of you . Did you really think I would come here alone ? "

Few seconds later , the front door slammed open , windows crashed and a group of hulking men , obviously working for Sai , came rushing in .

" No . I didn't . I knew you would come here with a group of men saving your ass and that's exactly why I - as well - did not come alone . "

Almost immediately , the police surrounded the whole house and arrested Sai along with his men for attempted break-in .

The guy didn't leave without cursing both Zero , Takuma and Kaname himself to the moon and back .

After all of the chaos had been cleaned , Takuma stated that Zero's testimony would have to wait seeing as his mental condition forbade him from doing so .

During times like that , the blonde felt grateful he had contacts in the police .

At least Sai would not be bothering them anymore .

Something was missing though , more like someone ..

Takuma could feel his heart drop as he thought of the silverette's earlier reactions .

He watched as Zero sank to the floor , hands twitching every so often as they rose to clutch his head . And then he doubled over as though in pain and in a way , he was .

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 **In the next chapter :**

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In the distance , he could faintly make out the sound of steps approaching him but chose to ignore it in favor of delving deeper in his own imagined serenity until he felt considerable weight on his lap . rich brown eyes fluttered open , first catching a glimpse of the ceiling then gradually going down to the weight on his lap .

Staring at his lover's supposed legs with familiar guilt and sadness , Zero ignored the lump in his throat as he tried valiantly to mask his sorrow .

" Instead of thinking of it as a drawback , think of it as an evidence of how our love had the ability to withstand such situation . "

 _I shall spend the rest of my life seeking forgiveness and atonement for my sins ._

Such traumatic experience left him scarred , losing the ability to communicate through audible language , his mind unconsciously deeming it only fair to share the pain , a rather heart breaking compensation ( a disability of his own . )

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A/N :

Word count : 5490

updated 22 Sept , 2017 .

The thing about pineapple is a fact . However , it only works if they are fresh . That's why some people use pineapple juice to tenderize meat . the first two execution methods , I remember translating them . But the last tow , I guess I did copy & past them .

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	3. final

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Humming softly to the melody of an all too familiar song , Zero had his eyes closed , expression peaceful as he sat comfortably on the couch he had come to occupy much of the time as of late .

The deeper he delved in his imagined serenity , the more his fogged up brain became clearer as he leant in , resting his head against the soft material that pleasantly met the nape of his neck .

He blinked few times then willed his eyes shut , focusing on what the darkness had offered him until he fell into his recent routine , self-hypnosis relaxation therapy .

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Slowly , the darkness had dissipated , replaced with a bright azure blanket garnished with softness of white clouds scattered here and there randomly yet beautifully .

His form had been engulfed by very soft clothing almost as if caressing his being and the mat beneath his figure felt just as heavenly soft .

In the distance , he could hear the joyful sounds of birds chirping , adding to the beauty and serenity of the whole scene and it wasn't long before such symphony got accompanied by a soft whistle as a fleeting breeze passed by , swaying the trees and causing them to rustle gently .

He decided it was the perfect moment to sit up and so he did . Upon stretching his muscles and letting out a cheerful sigh , he felt blissful and then as he moved his gaze towards the sand , he was in complete awe .

If one would compare it to a human being then it would have been a very pale-skinned one that still managed to look appealing nonetheless .

The pearly sand felt wonderfully soft against the palm of his hand and too fragile escaping through the spacing between his fingers only to fall down and join their own kind , sprinkled and twinkling in the gentle gleam of the sunlight .

Zero's gaze followed the myriad of sand beads and further towards the clearness of the waves , bubbles of salt accumulating on the rim of the ocean .

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In the distance , he could faintly make out the sound of footsteps approaching him but chose to ignore it in favor of delving deeper in his own imagined serenity until he felt considerable weight on his lap . Stunning amethyst eyes fluttered open , first catching a glimpse of the ceiling then gradually moving down to the weight on his lap .

Unconsciously , he found himself petting Kaname's hair .

The elder eventually closed his eyes and let out a sigh of satisfaction , relaxing as the steady pattern lulled him to sleep .

However , the soothing motion halted . The brunette waited for the gentle touch to resume but something seemed to have distracted Zero and so the elder willed his wine colored eyes open , blinked and gazed at his lover then followed the younger's line of sight . Which led him to his own prosthetic leg .

Staring at his lover's supposed legs with familiar guilt and sadness , the silverette ignored the lump forming in his throat as he tried , vainly , to mask his sorrow .

 _I shall spend the rest of my life seeking forgiveness and atonement for my sins ._

" Instead of thinking of it as a drawback , think of it as an evidence of how our love had the ability to withstand such situation . " Kaname spoke up softly as he moved Zero's hand from his hair and gave it a gentle squeeze .

A very weak smile etched itself on the younger's face as he lowered his head and placed a lingering kiss on Kaname's hand that were holding his .

 _I'll try . But I can't promise ._

Such traumatic experience left him scarred , losing the ability to communicate through audible language , his mind unconsciously deeming it only fair to share the pain , a rather heart breaking compensation ( a disability of his own . )

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He thought it was the right thing . He thought it was only fair that he shares Kaname his pain .

But ..

Apparently , the elder didn't share the same opinion .

frankly speaking , Zero didn't expect his condition to have such repercussions on his lover .

He deserved it .. Then why.. Why was Kaname giving him those pained looks as if .. As if he didn't want him in pain when he himself was suffering because of the younger ? Kaname shouldn't have to pay for Zero's deeds and yet … He did .

In the end , Kaname forgave him so easily and he couldn't fathom why .

So he decided even if Kaname did , he wouldn't forgive himself . Ever .

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The silverette was casually walking by the hallway when he heard a very familiar voice coming from the living room .. And no it wasn't Kaname's . It was his own voice .

His eyebrows knitted as he recognized the voice recording he had sent Kaname one day . They were texting and the elder wanted to keep an evidence of his lover singing after he lost in one of their betting games .

Who would have thought that such whimsical idea would be the only way for Kaname to hear his lover's voice once again !

Feeling his heart weigh down heavily , Zero struggled for his breath as he turned to leave like he usually would when the pain got too sharp .

He would run away and pretend he didn't hear anything and maybe that way , Kaname himself would give up .

" Wait up . "

Zero's steps halted , his eyes shifting everywhere slowly and nervously .

" I can't hear your voice anymore but I can surely hear the sound of your steps . You can't hide that from me , Zero . "

Kaname summoned all the power he could try and masked the undeniable hurt in his voice . He then set his phone on the table and slowly approached the younger , a weak smile etched on his face the moment he called his lover's name .

" I won't let you run away . You have to face it . " the brunette promised as he turned the silver male around so that they were face to face , gazing at each other intensely .

The younger averted his gaze , breaking eye-contact , severing ties , the only language in which they could communicate ever since that day .

The elder felt his heart clench at that . Kaname passed the younger a look full of sorrow , one that showed just how broken and bitter he had felt .

He really didn't want to play on the 'Do I deserve this after all I have been through ' string . But .. what other choice did Zero leave him ?

Heavy silence descended over them and neither found the courage to break it , afraid whatever they would say might end up adding insult to injury .

Nonetheless , Kaname risked it .

" I can't even have a proper fight with you . " He said dejectedly .

" I miss your voice so much I don't even care if you are gonna yell at me or whisper sweet nothings .. I just want to hear your voice .. I so desperately want to . "

Kaname's voice felt as though arrows , blazing and lethal stabbing Zero's heart continuously . He couldn't tolerate the amount of pain it brought him having to hear that .. that desperate and broken tone , the plea in the elder's voice .. Even though he wasn't , it felt like he was crying his eyes out .

The silverette inhaled sharply as he felt his disappointed lover retreat , shredding their proximity before leaving the apartment altogether .

Still like a broken doll , Zero stood there , tight-lipped . His eyes glistened and stung as Kaname's words kept ringing in his head like a ghost , refusing to let him be .

After few moments of contemplation , the said silverette straightened up and strode his way to the living room . He casted a glance at the clock , panicking when he realized it was too late .

 _Kaname shouldn't have gone out ._

Without a second of hesitance , Zero rushed his way out , determined to bring his lover back .

He had to descend the ladder since the building had no elevator and that only worked to further aggravate him .

 _He didn't have time for that ! He wanted to catch up with Kaname_.

Fortunately , as he finally abandoned the building and spun his head around , trying to locate his lover , he caught a glimpse of Kaname's figure .

Instinctively , he opened his mouth to call him but nothing came out . The realization hit him like a thunderclap .

With heavy heart and slumped shoulders , he followed Kaname , until he noticed a stranger walking right after the elder as if .. stalking him ?

The guy had quite the dark aura around him . He looked suspicious .

It made a ghastly feeling settle in Zero's chest .

 _What if_?

 _No . He was just being his usual worry bug self_ .

He kept reassuring himself until his eyes landed on the most repugnant scene ever .

The guy had Kaname in a lock , obviously searching his clothes for something valuable and once he found none , he got miffed and started beating the brunette in blind anger then spat and left .

By the time Zero got there , the damage was done .

He knelt next to the elder , hands instantly roaming over his lover's body , examining the bruises ..

At first , the elder flinched away , not expecting him , but as soon as he realized who it was , he relaxed a little .

 _It was all his fault_ . Zero curled his fists on the elder's clothes . If he hadn't been such an asshole with Kaname , none of this would have happened . They wouldn't have argued .. ( As if that could be called 'arguing' , when all he did was stay there like a statue and even dare avoid the brunette's gaze ) Consequently , Kaname wouldn't have gone out and he wouldn't have gotten attacked .

Zero felt shame suffocating him . He wanted to bury himself alive .. _Why .. Why is it that he only ever ends up hurting his loved one_?

He could hear someone's voice cracking in the background , so hoarse and barely audible . It took him a while to realize it was actually his own . He was sobbing , the action racking his whole being .

" Ka.. " He couldn't even get a proper sentence in the middle of crying but he surely heard it .

He had uttered two letters .. Why or how ? he didn't know but he did get his voice back and he wasn't even sure why he was crying anymore .. out of happiness ? or guilt or shame or .. Perhaps it was all of those combined .

Time seemed to stop as both of them tried registering the whole thing .

" .. Zero ? " Bewildered , Kaname cupped the younger's cheeks , gazing at the his lover's petite lips .

 _Did he hear it right ? Did he see it right ?_

 _Did those lips just move_ ?

" My name .. say my name . " The brunette encouraged , beaming as he inched closer to the younger , his bruises already forgotten .

Zero blinked , as if he was refreshing a webpage , cleared his throat and tried his voice again .

" Ka .. na .. me "

Of course it sounded funny but that was not the point . What mattered here was it did sound at all .

Slowly , they found themselves smiling in disbelief then grinning and finally giggling . Naturally , they fell into each other's embrace , relishing the moment .

Zero sighed deeply , inhaling Kaname's scent and letting it have its calming effect on him but then the inevitable shame came crashing back at him and he couldn't help but apologize sincerely , over and over again , even though the elder tried interrupting him .

It took Kaname few more attempts to get the younger's attention .

" Zero . " He called softly , gently rubbing the younger's back as a mother would do her child in a moment of wisdom .

He was never waiting for his lover to be perfect . And that's exactly why he never blamed him .

" If we - humans - were perfect , we wouldn't have needed to say ' sorry ' . Everything happens for a reason . The word ' apologize' is there for a reason . It's okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them , truly feel remorse and make an effort not to repeat them again . "

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 **A/N**

 **2258 words**

 **Updated 24 Sept**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed reading this ( One of my few dark fics )**

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